10 Steps To Getting Over Your Ex

No one looks forward to the day when they break up with their current girl friend/boyfriend. But as you may have it, life is unpredictable and we find ourselves in situations where we may have go through things that we were never prepared for. So you break up and you both are sure that this is the end, but now you’re stuck with the after effects of the break up. We put together a list on how you can speed up the process and get over them.

1. Quit stalking him.

This is probably the hardest step to take after a break up but it has to be done for the sake of your healing. Don’t just unfriend him on Facebook, block him. Don’t google him, don’t drive by his house, don’t send him innocent “hi” texts, don’t tell your friend to tell him you’ve been thinking of him, nothing. It won’t be easy and you will slip a few times, but next time try harder it will get better with time. The only thing you’re getting out of this is feeling worse about yourself and your situation.

2. Give yourself enough time to grieve.

Don’t bottle the feelings up and try replacing him with someone else. If what happened makes you upset, allow yourself to be angry. Bottling up feelings will only harm you as you will end up getting yourself into a spiral of self destruction and by the time you really do get over it, you will have broken other hearts and done things that you’re not proud of. Once you let it go, it gets easier.

3. Keep yourself busy.

This line is common but it helps. When left alone with nothing but boredom and time, the mind can wander, we can start feeling like a victim and depressed, and sorry for ourselves. Instead take out your calendar and start filling it up. Call all those people you’ve been meaning to call, start that new exercise thing you’ve been wanting to do, cook meals you’ve never cooked, volunteer where your heart tells you to. Also make plans for your future. Set goals, break them down, plan them out. This is your opportunity to do what you want without having to consider anyone else. For a change it’s all about you.

4. Appreciate the experience that comes with it.

Now that this has happened, learn from it so that you don’t repeat the same mistake. Ask yourself, what did you learn about you? What did you learn about relationships? About what you will and will not tolerate? Think critically about the experience and take from it what you can do to become a better you.

5. Don’t allow your ex to string you along.

Your ex may send you mixed signals or keep being undecided about what he wants. While you and your heart gets bounced around in between his mixed emotions. But truth is your ex may very well be confused, but he’s also getting his ego rubbed by you sticking around pining for him while he figures out if he wants to be with you or not. If the person stringing you along isn’t at least 99.9% sure he wants to be with you, leave and never come back. Never let your heart be abused because of another person’s uncertainties.

6. Stop “being friends” or sleeping with your ex.

Some women keep in touch with their ex or even sleep with him in the hope of mending things. But truth is he’s sleeping with you because you’re willing, not because he’s thinking about getting back together. You on the other hand are getting confusion, false hope, and emotional chaos. Friends confide in each other and after two months of breaking up telling how he’s moved on and how the new girlfriend is better than you. So in the beginning, when you’re still hurting and grieving, cut your ties completely because you need the space.

7. Make peace with the fact that you may never be 100% over it.

People don’t get to a place where they fully over their past relationships. Sometimes it’s like scar tissue on their heart. Although there is a great deal of healing, but there is still some residual sting associated with it. But, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It doesn’t have to mean that you still want to be with your ex, or still have feelings for that person. It just means that you’re human, you had an emotional, probably intimate attachment to this person and that’s okay. It’s what you do with those thought that counts.

8. Allow yourself to be alone.

Get honest with yourself about why you seem to always be in relationship. Are you in relationships for the sake of being in one? Because being alone is harder? You will spend a lifetime looking for “the one”, trying to make the relationship work, and pulling your hair out wondering what is wrong with you or him. When the answer is there is nothing wrong with anyone except that you don’t know yourself yet.

9. Remove memory triggers.

There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex such a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving period has had some time to process, don’t dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition.

10. Take inventory about how you feel about yourself.

We get so caught up with the other person during a break up, and the relationship itself, that we tend to forget about ourselves. It might seem easier to try to control the other person, and to think “if only we didn’t break up- THEN I would be happy”. How you view yourself, how you feel about yourself and the conversation you’re having inside your head about you, is a million times more important than any outside relationship.